It’s Saturday night and I’m restless. Nothing I am doing is satisfying my empty feeling. My weekends are technically 24 hours long – Friday evening to Saturday at 5:30 when I start driving my daughter to her dad’s. Then I sit and stress for 24 hours while she is with him.

Saturday nights are when I finally sit down and can enjoy myself. Where is she now? Gone. I hate this.

This has been a long week for me. The dog vomiting blood, daughter then cat vomiting all in one evening was enough to do me in on Monday. Work has been unbelievably stressful. Thursday was the only good day – my birthday. Friday I was sick and today still am not well but am doing better.

I’m restless.

I know you’ve heard me say this before…but Saturday nights are always very painful nights for me. I know that probably sounds strange considering most people count the days until Saturday…but not me. I count down until Friday or Sunday nights myself. The reason? My daughter goes with her dad every Saturday at 6:00 until Sunday at 6:00 and that is the hardest 24 hours of the entire week. Normally I can keep myself busy on Sunday’s enough to help that day go by and I count the hours till 6:00. Saturday nights are though because she’s not home under my wing safe asleep. I handle overnights at her friend’s houses better than I do when she goes to her dad. If you have ever heard of my stories from his past you’d understand why. I won’t go into it here now. My archives should speak volumes though I think some were lost in all the server moves.

Tonight I just need to try to clear my head long enough to fall asleep. Then I need to get past him driving 20 minutes on a highly accident prone road two times in the morning to church in back. If something happens I’m going to feel so responsible for that because I had the last visitation order modified and included that he is to take her to church two times a month. So, if you pray – please pray she gets through the next 24 hours okay.

In more positive news I had my first firepit fire today. That means it’s spring in my book. The crocus’ have sprouted and the birds are flying about. We took a brief bike ride yesterday too! I’m so ready for this to be more of a full time forecast. I’m craving sunshine and warmth!