So hard to believe I’m the mother of a 5th grader!  Where did the time go?!  I could have sworn she just learned how to talk and walk.  I know everyone has told me over the years to savor the moments because they will fly by…they weren’t kidding.  I’m not liking this is her last year of elementary school!  Next year she’ll be in Jr. High!  Next year she won’t have any daycare because the place she goes stops after 5th grade!  EEK!  I’ve started working on finding friends or neighbors who would be willing to have her go to their house after school next year since she’ll be home before me.  5th grade….wow…

It’s been weeks since I’ve been able to sit down and catch-up with what’s on my Tivo. I think I’m on my fifth Desperate Housewives episode. Sadly – it’s from March. I’m hoping Tivo caught the season finale if it already happened. I have no idea. I rarely get to watch TV. Actually, my daughter will watch it or when she’s doing homework I can’t or she will be distracted. It’s getting late though and I really need to get some sleep but I’m struggling because I really want to see what happens next! [sigh]

My family has been blind sided by another death. This time it was my uncle on my mom’s side. Her brother. He was only 18 months older than my mom so she’s taking it very hard. I’m still numb. I didn’t know his as well as my other uncle who passed a few months ago. Still, it’s family and it’s hard to see my mom grieve. My family has been through enough. We need a break.

It’s Saturday night and I’m restless. Nothing I am doing is satisfying my empty feeling. My weekends are technically 24 hours long – Friday evening to Saturday at 5:30 when I start driving my daughter to her dad’s. Then I sit and stress for 24 hours while she is with him.

Saturday nights are when I finally sit down and can enjoy myself. Where is she now? Gone. I hate this.

This has been a long week for me. The dog vomiting blood, daughter then cat vomiting all in one evening was enough to do me in on Monday. Work has been unbelievably stressful. Thursday was the only good day – my birthday. Friday I was sick and today still am not well but am doing better.

I’m restless.

I know you’ve heard me say this before…but Saturday nights are always very painful nights for me. I know that probably sounds strange considering most people count the days until Saturday…but not me. I count down until Friday or Sunday nights myself. The reason? My daughter goes with her dad every Saturday at 6:00 until Sunday at 6:00 and that is the hardest 24 hours of the entire week. Normally I can keep myself busy on Sunday’s enough to help that day go by and I count the hours till 6:00. Saturday nights are though because she’s not home under my wing safe asleep. I handle overnights at her friend’s houses better than I do when she goes to her dad. If you have ever heard of my stories from his past you’d understand why. I won’t go into it here now. My archives should speak volumes though I think some were lost in all the server moves.

Tonight I just need to try to clear my head long enough to fall asleep. Then I need to get past him driving 20 minutes on a highly accident prone road two times in the morning to church in back. If something happens I’m going to feel so responsible for that because I had the last visitation order modified and included that he is to take her to church two times a month. So, if you pray – please pray she gets through the next 24 hours okay.

In more positive news I had my first firepit fire today. That means it’s spring in my book. The crocus’ have sprouted and the birds are flying about. We took a brief bike ride yesterday too! I’m so ready for this to be more of a full time forecast. I’m craving sunshine and warmth!

Am I the only one who lives a live of chaos? Seriously. Do other people’s lives run smoothly? Tuesday I got a call from the school nurse to pick up my sick kid. She slept all day and night and was home Wednesday. Gastroenteritis I believe is how you spell it. Good times. Back to work and school today.

Last night had a flash flood and my parents basement was drown in water. Spent the evening helping them pump it out. My backyard was completely under water and the dog had no place to go. So, I guess you could say the dog’s toilet overflowed.

In good news the temps are above freezing which is oh so exciting to me! I can walk out and not have every muscle clinch to try to stay warm!

I wasn’t sure how else to title this post.  There has been so much that has happened the last several weeks.  I’ll try to abbreviate them as best as I can.

1.  My daughter made honor roll again!  I’m so proud of her.  She’s done so well this year.  Two quarters in a row on honor roll!  YIEE!

2.  Ex-husband previously diagnosed multiple times as bipolar finally found a doc he convinced he is not.  Therefore, he hasn’t been medicated and it’s been sheer hell especially the last month dealing with him.  Police were involved twice.  Attorney hired.  Papers filed in court.  Judge finally signed them Friday.  I’m finally at some peace. 

3.  My daughter now has a cell phone which I swore I wouldn’t do this young.  However, my attorney told me I absolutely had to get her one for her safety.  Tried prepay and it was a total rip-off.  They charged a dollar a day for days it wasn’t even used.  Told me it was a mistake but told me they’d change it as a “one time thing”.  Dumped the prepay and added her to a contract plan. 

4.  I currently have a “major sinus infection” and am miserably waiting for the high powered antibiotics I was given to kick-in.  My asthma meds had side effects more painful than I could handle so I had to stop last week and rely on albuterol.  Doc today gave me another one to try.  Crossing my fingers they don’t have the same effects.  Problem is steroids aren’t accepted too well by my body anymore.  Now is not the time for me to have this reaction!

5.  My grandmother is very ill.  She just turned 88, is a widow and lost one of her two sons in August – her youngest son – my 59 year old uncle.  Since his death she’s declined quickly.  Hospice has been called and the funeral has been arranged.  It hasn’t really sunk in yet because I just found out last night the seriousness of the situation and I’ve been too miserable with my own ick to go over there and risk spreading it to a whole nursing home full of people.  Hopefully tomorrow I’ll feel better and can go spend some time with her.  I’ve been told she’s sleeping a lot and is on oxygen.  I grew up going there every Sunday for dinner.  It’s hard to imagine her not being in that house.  With my grandfather gone it means when she goes – the house goes.  They built that house and I’ve known it almost my whole life.  I learned to sew there.  Learned some cooking skills there.  Brought in rocks from their gardens and painted them.  Saw my first toad in their yard.  Saw deer come up from the river into their backyard.  Went sledding in the rivine in the cul-de-sac they live in.  Played frisbee with my dad, uncle, brother and cousins in the street.  Rode my bike all around.  Met one of my friends who moved in next door there.  Learned what it means when a dog dies because their dog had to be put to sleep.  Played hide and seek all over. Spent many nights there.  Slid down the railing because they had a really long stairway.  Played mega tinkertoys in their basement while admiring all the perfectly labeled hardware on my grandpa’s shelves.  Watched my grandma put on make-up and learned how to do it.  I’m glad she could be there at Thanksgiving.  I have a lot of fond memories in that house and especially with her.  I don’t want to let her go but I don’t want her to suffer anymore either.  We all always thought her older sister would go first.  It’s not looking that way now.   It’s hard to imagine…I don’t want to let her go.

6.  With death comes life.  My brother and sister-in-law are due to have another child in May.  This will be their second.  Another boy. 

That about sums it up for now.

My daughter has been really hoping for a good snow storm this winter so she could use her snowball maker, snow brick maker and sled she got for Christmas. Her wish has come true as we are in the midst of a healthy snow storm! Two out of three of her events this weekend have been cancelled and I’ll be surprised if the third is not. Hopefully we can make it down to the hill to sled but my low to the ground vehicle might be a problem.

My wonderful blog host and friend Darrell, his wife Teresa and their family are going through a very difficult time as their newborn grandson had surgery yesterday.  He had a large tumor on his kidney so both the kidney and tumor were removed and now the difficult wait to hear whether it is cancer.  If it is cancer he said there is a good chance he will need chemotherapy.  I cannot even imagine what it must be like for a newborn to go through chemo!  So, if you pray, please say a prayer for Darrell and his family as they go through such a difficult time.

Thank you,

Jenn